Mother’s Day truths

12 May

Being a mom is like nothing you can ever imagine.

This “mom thing” isn’t always fun. You have those days when you really and truly suck at being a mom. Everything you say is wrong, every thought is selfish and your actions don’t show love. And let’s be honest, those days are more often than not. Like how in the middle of the night when you’re up with the baby and it takes all your will power to not hit your husband with a book while he sleeps. And when you sometimes want to do the same thing to your child when they disobey you over and over and over without a remorseful bone in their body. To know how it feels to miss party after event after dinner, etc., because there was no babysitter or your child can’t handle being out, but your husband gets to go because you feel guilty making him stay behind but so mad that it’s you being left behind. You feel cheated on life with friends. And so many other selfish thoughts run through your mind.

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But then there’s this fierce, gut-wrenching love you feel for these tiny babies that you have been given to care for and it seems to void all the negative aspects of motherhood. When you feel overwhelmed by that love when they cross their feet at the ankles, fall asleep in your arms, giggle over silly things, or hug you tightly around the neck for no reason. How even when they’re dirty or messy, you still want to kiss their faces all over. When they’re disobeying and you can’t help but smile and laugh because they’re so crazy cute. How your protectiveness comes out when your child is hurt by another and you would do anything to make them feel better. The joy you feel when they discover something for the first time. You can’t explain why you have these instincts that tell you why your child is crying, or what hurts, or what they need when they can’t even talk, or what they’re thinking before they say it or knowing what kind of trouble they’re in before you actually know. That you can read the same books over and over again without feeling annoyed because of the delight on your child’s face as you read it. How you can look at your child day after day and still be in awe of how truly beautiful they are; that they are yours forever.

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Being a mom is a sacrifice. You let go of so many different parts of yourself to become someone else in a matter of seconds. So while you’re learning to take care of a brand new human life, you’re also learning to deal with a whole new you. And it is hard. It takes a ton of grace. While it is hard, I’d rather be doing it than anything else. I want to be the one to raise Nick’s and my children, to see their faces every day and hear them say their first words, take their first steps.

I never truly understood my mom’s sacrifice until I actually became one. My mom isn’t perfect, but then neither am I. We fought so much during the 18 years I lived at home. Now, she’s one of my best friends and I can’t imagine what it would be like without her. We still disagree about things and our relationship isn’t perfect but nothing is, right? Now, I think of myself as a mom. My relationship with Solace and Belle isn’t perfect but I hope and pray they will love me despite my failures. I am honored to be their mother and scared out of my mind too.

Happy Mother’s Day, momma. Thanks for being imperfect and yet perfect for me. I love you.

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To my little ladies, I am so glad you are mine. I love being your mama. I am striving to do my best. It’s true, raising you is hard work. However, I never knew how I could love so much. You are my favorites.

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2 Responses to “Mother’s Day truths”

  1. robinbarnhart May 12, 2013 at 3:20 pm #

    Happy Mother’s Day! I love you and am so very proud of you. I couldn’t imagine my life without you and I’m glad you’re my daughter. I love Solace and Belle so much and you are a great mother to them just because you love them and are showing them the love of God by loving and serving Him. There is no greater gift than that!!

    You were my first mother’s day gift :)
    Love you Rebecca Lynn,

    Mom

  2. katiebee May 12, 2013 at 7:05 pm #

    Beautiful words. I feel the EXACT same way about Zeke. We are so blessed even though we lack sleep, our backs hurt, our kitchens are constantly messy and we’ve heard enough crying to last us a lifetime. I hope your day was great :)

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