Adoption Update :: The Process of Journaling

2 Mar

I haven’t journaled about our adoption trip yet. Actually, I haven’t journaled since before I was married. I hadn’t felt the need. I used to be an avid writer though. Every day. Several times a day. So, it seemed really “off” for me to not do it. Until recently I still wasn’t ready. But I just bought a journal and I’m going to attempt to write in it tonight.

I really don’t know how it will go. It’s terrifying to think about and even now I feel like backing out. What in the world will happen when I write?

1. Tears

2. Anger

3. Pain

4. Hope

5. Weakness

6. Failure

7. Loss

8. Tears

9. Prayer

10. Confusion

I honestly don’t know if I can handle all that (and more I’m sure) be it good or bad and I think that’s why I’ve wanted to hold off. Of course, there could be the opposite effect, where I write and keep my feelings deeply hidden; only telling the facts and not the feelings. That’s totally something I would do. However, December is starting to feel unreal and I don’t want to forget. I don’t want my mind to pretend that this was made up. It wouldn’t be right. I need to feel. I’m not expecting to get it all out in one sitting. I hope it takes me several days.

Am I the only one who struggles to do this? Man, I hope not.

 

 

 

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4 Responses to “Adoption Update :: The Process of Journaling”

  1. Heather Hershberger March 3, 2011 at 1:18 am #

    Nope— you are def. not alone in that :) I am right there with you.

  2. Ruthiey March 3, 2011 at 3:21 pm #

    Sometimes, I’m scared to just start writing what I’m thinking and feeling, but then putting it down on paper and wrestling with different aspects of the emotion, it can somehow take the deadliness of the emotion is degated. I still feel it, but it won’t kill me. I definitely encourage journalling.. and it might take a lot longer than a couple days. =)

  3. Andie March 4, 2011 at 7:26 am #

    You gotta do it lady. It will be so good. I used to journal A LOT. I also took a few years off of it. I wish I hadn’t. It really really helps me process my thoughts.

  4. Kristin March 18, 2011 at 10:57 pm #

    Feeling is good, even hard feelings…but my unsolicited advice –which you can take or leave– is to do it very intentionally in the presence of God (of course, God is there anyway, but what I mean is, acknowledge him before you write, while you write, after you write…you can go anywhere with God and make it through!) There have been days where I couldn’t handle journaling unless I made the entry a prayer and then waited in prayer at the end of it for God to speak to me, either in the silence or through his Word. Getting the feeling out is important and good, but I encourage you to go there very intentionally with God and not alone. I just say that because I’ve done it both ways and the latter can leave me feeling hopeless.

    For what it’s worth!

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