Adoption Update :: Waiting

22 Nov

This is a hard post to write. Which is probably why it’s been awhile since I have written.  I don’t want to complain about our adoption situation when I hear of so many harder adoption processes. But then I also don’t want to make light of my own feelings in our unique process. The Laparra process.

Our profile has been made available to birth moms for two months now. Not very long. But to a yearning mother, it’s a terrible long time. I’m sure there are many of you out there that know what I mean. I have no time line. I know when we started this process (January of this year) but the end is no where in sight. I can’t begin to tell you how much that fact has filled me with unbearable anxiety, pain, excitement, and confusion. It also fills me with feelings of doubt: Are we not good enough? Did we not fill something out right? Did we make our Christian beliefs too evident? Is the agency even really showing our profile? I hate doubt because I know none of that is true.

I honestly thought we would have a child by Christmas. Christmas is not many days away, and I know God could do something like that, but my heart doesn’t think so. How glorious would it be to have a child for a Christmas gift? I can’t fathom how I would feel if that happened.

So what do I do while I wait?  A friend suggested that Nick and I start putting our nursery together, and while I want to do that, I’m afraid I couldn’t handle it right now. Yes, we are waiting for a child, but there isn’t even one on the horizon. My heart is fragile and I’m trying to protect it in ways that I can. But what if it helps? How do I know?

If only this part was not so long. Would it make adoption less sweet? I have so much to learn and so far to go. I don’t regret taking the steps toward adoption right now and I would do this all over again, all the way up to this point. It’s been an incredible journey. I’m just praying my heart stays intact until that blissful moment when I meet my child. Then I know I’ll completely fall apart. But I’ll be ready for that. And I will keep waiting for the child that God has for us.

Oh, what a day that will be.

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8 Responses to “Adoption Update :: Waiting”

  1. Kirstin Lindquist November 23, 2010 at 5:25 am #

    Becky,
    The indefinite wait is probably one of the worst things about adoption. It seems like FOREVER and no case worker can help!! I am praying for you and Nick that God will reveal more of Himself to you in this time. Looking back, that is what the wait did for me. I definitely didn’t see it at the time, but now I do!
    Praying,
    Kirstin Lindquist

  2. Andie November 23, 2010 at 8:13 am #

    Love you, friend. it’s sweet to walk through the crazy process together.

  3. Monica November 23, 2010 at 8:22 am #

    Praying for you friend!! God’s timing is never early but just on time :) His timing is perfect!

  4. Talitha November 23, 2010 at 11:32 am #

    Praying for you and Nick!

  5. Melissa Parnell November 23, 2010 at 3:19 pm #

    praying for yall! and longing with you for sweet little Laparra!!

  6. jenna November 23, 2010 at 8:08 pm #

    good to know where you are in the process both in emotions and in the time frame.

    totally can relate to the desire for a baby by Christmas…by Thanksgiving even…feels like it would just be so poetic and perfect.

    it’s my prayer that your faith increases during this hard wait.

  7. Molar Pregnancy December 4, 2010 at 10:59 pm #

    Pray for you all the best. there’s always light at the end of a tunnel

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