Solace’s birth story :: part 1
Solace’s birth story :: part 2
I was wheeled up to the delivery floor and they checked me in around 9pm. I was the only woman there in labor at the time. It was so silent on that floor. I had to get help up onto the bed because I could barely walk, my contractions were so intense. As the nurse left the room she told me to undress and she’d bring me a hospital gown. I asked her if that was necessary because I wanted to stay in my own clothes. Fortunately, I didn’t have to :) It took them a while to insert my IV. They couldn’t find the vein and my contractions were making it difficult. They had to put it in my right arm and I can still feel the sensation of it. *shudder*
The nurses asked what our labor plan was and I told her that I just wanted to try to do this without an epidural. Also, that my friend was coming and they better let her in. I literally felt like I was dying. I’ve never felt pain so horrific and intense before. I would grab onto the sides of my hospital bed and push on them as I had contractions. The doctor checked how dilated I was. 5 cm.
Jenna arrived and I remember she walked in and was saying something funny/sarcastic when a contraction hit and she instantly turned into mother/coach. Having her and Nick probably saved my life. She kept telling me that she knew exactly how I felt but that I could do this. Her exact words were “you’re doing it! you’re doing it!” I’m such a movie fanatic that I freaked out and while having a contraction I’m trying to get them to remember that line in the movie “Hook” when Tinker Bell tells Peter Pan he’s “doing it” in reference to flying and I was laughing, but Jenna couldn’t remember what it was from and I was begging Nick to remember. At least it helped me think about something else for a little. Ha. Jenna then told me just to think about what waited for me on the other end: Solace. Unfortunately, that perspective did not work for me. I told her I just wanted to be out of this pain. “Ok. New Plan!” (I do love my daughter, but I was positive I was dying at that point) She would let me know when my contraction had peaked to its highest point and that I could handle it on the way down. I’ve never been so strong in my life I think because I’m sure I wrecked Nick’s hand during those contractions! Sometimes I would hold my breath and Jenna would have to coach me into breathing again.
not sure how jenna got a smiley picture. definitely in between contractions.
The doctor came in around 10:30pm to check how far dilated I was now and the pain was so excruciating when she did. Then she told me I was only at 6 cm. Something in my mind snapped at that point. Nick and I found ourselves alone in the room and he was crying and telling me to please get an epidural. I always felt that I had to do it without meds because his own mother had 12 kids without them and he always talked about how strong she was and how amazing she was. I wanted to be amazing and strong for my husband. I think I broke his heart then because he told me I already was those things and that he couldn’t stand seeing me in so much pain…that no matter how I have this baby, meds or none, I am strong and amazing to him.
I started sobbing and I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t breathe. Jenna got straight to the point and told me to stop because it wasn’t going to make me feel any better. I needed that. (Jenna knows me so well) So was I going to get one or not? Yes. I decided. I was only at 6 cm and I’d been laboring for 2 hours already in the hospital. I stopped crying and then got a little impatient. Where was the anesthesiologist?! I only had to wait about 30 minutes before he came. It was difficult for me to sit up on the side of the bed since I was in a lot of pain and that position was not fun and I was literally freezing, but it was the easiest thing to do to let him administer that sucker. Totally a mental thing for me. I was able to stay completely still when they needed me to.
getting the “holydural” or “epicdural” in jenna’s words
The meds started working about 30-45 minutes after being administered. I could still move my lower body, it was just super heavy and numb now. I was also so cold that I had extra blankets on top of me and even some that had been warmed up in effort to stop me from shaking. I started to feel some pain about an hour later and my nurse came in and asked if I had been pressing my “button.” uh, no? She came over and pressed the button that was supposed to allow more of the epidural to flow and told me do that every 15 minutes. I was pretty pumped about that. I didn’t mind when I could feel my contractions though because it helped me stay focused and remember why I was there.
Andrew and Lindsey came to visit right after I’d gotten my epidural. It was great to have more company to keep me occupied. I think sometime we all realized it was New Year’s Eve and that we were ringing in the new year together while I was in labor. Pretty cool. I couldn’t toast or anything though, obviously! During the middle of the night, Jenna and Nick left the room and told me to try to rest. I hadn’t slept for 24 hours by now and even then, I couldn’t sleep. I had taken out my contacts and closed my eyes, but sleep didn’t come. Nick came in some time later and we talked for a bit. Jenna had gone home to get some rest and was coming back in the morning.
FINALLY around 10am the doctor told me to start pushing. Nick began texting and calling everyone to let them know that it was go-time! I was so ready. I had been letting the epidural wear off. I wanted to feel my contractions to a point so I would know when I needed to push and not have to be told. I pushed for about 45 minutes and then Sol’s heart started racing so they gave me an oxygen mask to wear that helped for her heart rate. It was really annoying, especially since I had my glasses on still. So I asked to stop pushing and I put my contacts in! The nurse laughed really hard and said she’s never seen anyone do that during labor before.
I felt really confident while pushing. Nick was giving me ice chips which I needed badly because my mouth was so, so dry and he was fanning me. Jenna was encouraging me that she could see Sol’s head and to keep going. Sometimes, I would start pushing and neither the nurse nor the doctor were there to hold my legs! I wanted it all to end. I had an amazing doctor though and I felt so good in her care.
I’d been pushing for an hour and a half when I felt a “gasp” between my legs and then something really squishy. I saw Sol’s head as the doctor held her up. Then she told me, “Becky, grab your baby.” A million things went through my head at that point and I just stared at her until she told me to do it again. I grabbed Sol and pulled her the rest of the way out and laid her on my chest.
She was so beautiful and she was crying and staring into my eyes. She also had a really cone-shaped head and I tried not to laugh a little.
I was in shock and completely elated that I was holding my daughter. After all this time! It was the craziest feeling.
Nick getting his “dad tag” from our amazing nurse after Solace was born
I tore quite a lot so while I was being stitched up, Jenna and Nick were taking videos and pictures of her while she got measured. 8 lbs 8 oz. 20 3/4 in long. Born 1/1/12 at 11:30am. I remember after having Sol, I called my mom and as soon as she heard my voice she started crying. I was calling her as a mother! And I had made it during delivery. I had actually given birth.
I cried a lot that day. Sheer exhaustion – my total labor was 34 hours and a total of about 42 hours of no sleep. Joy – I was finally a mother and had a beautiful daughter. Pain – holy crap was I in pain. Terrified – so much change was about to happen in our lives and I couldn’t handle it all in the moment.
Giving birth was the most traumatic experience. I can compare it to no other. Oh but how I love my sweet baby girl. And how good God is to give her to us and to keep myself and Sol safe during delivery. I had a wonderful support team in the room with me. I felt so blessed and encouraged the whole time. God knew I needed some funny-Jenna to keep me level-headed and my doting husband to make me feel beautiful and loved and protected during such a crazy time.
Agh! I am so happy and thankful.
